dreamworld

i'm playing bubbleshooter in the kitchen

while you get ready for work

and im so glad i quit my job

and we got married

and can afford to live on one income

due to the large insurance settlement

after the incident

i have all four of our chickens on leashes

and we walk to the park

and people stare at me and my four chickens

but they just bock

im wearing five inch platform boots

and a cape

im sweating but happy

and the chickens are scared of all the dogs

but they like meeting new people

i go home to play more bubbleshooter

and i never win

but thats okay

34

it feels like it will never happen

but one day it will come

the years go by

23, 24, 25,

and one day

ill become

older than jesus ever was

34 years young

reading Karly Hartzmann talk about how she finally just says what she's been wanting to say in her new album, im listening obsessively on repeat to her words so familiar and heart wrenching

anyway im saying here's the stuff i've just been wanting to say. so fair warning sappy and grateful words ahead

im happy and full. sitting in our bed after a busy day. you're re-writing songs you wrote years ago. im eating our easter candy from your mom's house, where you and the kids played wiffleball in the yard & i sat on the sidelines laughing with the grandparents and great aunts and uncles. they tell stories of playing ball at the local field when they were pregnant with the moms of the kids playing now. and the moms talk about how they loved that field but it got shut down for letting them drink at 19.

im at my parents house watching old videos from tapes my Dad could never get to play before. everyone is laughing at little me and my brothers playing and screaming and falling down and im doing my best to hold back my tears. the girl in the poorly drawn cat mask, i wish she could know the goodness that's in store. looking at photographs of friends who've been in all my photographs for the last few years. im lucky to go through seasons and reflect and look ahead with loving people there every step. there's so much sweetness and everything is alive all around us.

rock candy sugar daddy 5.5in

in the Big Rock Candy Mountain

5.5 is just enough

there is an abundance

of rock and candy and sugar

no one wants for more

in the Big Rock Candy Mountain

your daddy is supportive and sweet

sweet as sugar, your daddy

his love without conditions

rock candy from your sugar daddy

he is respectful of your boundaries

but he gets off

on giving you candy

and you really like candy plus

5.5 is more than enough

on the Big Rock Candy Mountain

-ing poem

im storing my trauma in my back

that's where i decided to put it

to keep it organized and in one spot

im paying my electric bill without crying

im buying skate shoes from a drop shipping company

im studying for the show by listening to the music beforehand

im taking all the trees

and putting them in a tree museum

im making the same joke 100 times

it keeps getting funnier and no one

ever gets tired of it

im getting a USPS notification that the sex toy i ordered was delivered

they promised that the shipping is "discreet"

the package is from "containers company"

how can a dildo be a container

i thought it was the opposite

joke poem

im writing this as a joke

im saying funny things

to make people laugh

everyone loves jokes

and laughing even more

im creating one big collective laugh

the laugh to end all laughs

knock knock

who's there

the joke guy

the joke guy who?

the guy who made a joke so funny that everyone laughed

the end

sometime in february 2023

post jeans nap delusion

i wake up from my afternoon jeans nap in a what day is it confusion

listening to the kids play basketball in the street

my cat leeched around my body like a semi-permanent accessory

warm and buzzing

twitching in and out of dreams

my mind swims in the amalgam of other people's words fed to me by my pocket computer

i cannot settle the river rifts pulsing through my body

twitch and buzz and sand packed in my lungs

worrying about the slow daunting power of erosion

sudden jagged edges

smooth marble floor

who decided the rocks needed to change?

3-9-21

death and beginning

life and ending

the atomic makeup of skin

touching, holding

we're all born of the same crack in the ground

I inhale our shared gaze and exhale suffering

can we reverse individuation?

to walk here with you

surrounded by the sounds of the sun

to witness the waking of the earth

the constant flux between

entanglement and reorganization

your thoughts and mine stem from the same seed

destroy the illusion of ownership

return to the harmonic cycles

find your voice in the symphonies of nature

we need you here to complete the song

2-1-21

my heart as glass blown

nestled in the depths of your corduroy pants pocket

hyper conscious of the height from hip to floor

from warmth to the cold vulnerability

of being in shards

i'd prefer to drift aimless, formless

slave to the whistling lips of the wind

would you rather be drawn by a stick in the mud?

formed from clay between a childs dirty palms

the creation of a lovely figurine

sitting motionless on your work desk

gazing up at you

blending in with the mundanity

what would happen if you smashed it?

dried and meticulously smoothed matter

shattered at your feet

would you feel better, lighter?

august 2020

im at a loss when the across the street neighbor

turns out the light

paralyzed in the midst of dance

there is beauty in stillness

there is beauty in stillness

if you remind me again i might even believe it

I haven't heard your voice in weeks

im buckled at the knees

late summer sun melt me into the asphalt street

roll the window down please for me

or i might forget to listen

the evergreens rustle, wind and birds whistle

her voice fills me and our spirits dance

forever in the thin air

july 2020

im coming in and out

of consciousness all the time

life is a waking dream

sleep is the illusion of solace

i want to be squished

in between the walls of perception

molecular confetti raining down

between blades of grass

I tell myself secrets in the awake hours

I think what I'm trying to figure out is

how to be

laying naked on a smooth rock in the sun

heat can be the mediator

between my body and the Everything Else

I'm trying to melt

abolish the walls in between

in the dream hours

I am the mess of consciousness

in the most perfect way

the birds in my pillow speak ancient words at me

I simply stare out over their heads

and watch the sun look down